Deep In the Heart

Where am I and for that fact, where am I going?

Here's an even better question - exactly where have I been? If I see the Christian life as a journey, what is the destination? Is it a trodding path to heaven or maybe an evolvement of piety as I study and acquire facts. Is it a journey of good deeds, laid by the pathway, like seed spread over the soil, gradually taking root, then growing. Or, as I am beginning to realize, a travel into the very heart of God

Did I have any idea what I was embarking on in the beginning? I can remember in my childhood Sunday School class, singing this little song:

Into my heart,
Into my heart,
Come into my heart
Lord Jesus
Come in today,
Come in to stay,
Come into my heart
Lord Jesus

It seemed so simple then - to take Him into my heart. I was the center of the universe. What better place for him to take up residence.

But if I am traveling into him, this is a horse of different color. I can take no credit for it. He is the one drawing, and I am the draw-ee. The pull has nothing to do with my good works, my Bible knowledge, or my spiritual gifts. My only choice is to release my grip on this life, this world, and the earthly pleasures it holds.

I am discovering ideas and questions that have never been voiced or addressed in the Christian circles I ran around in. I have a growing interest in Christian mystics. In my former life, I would have smirked at the seclusion, meditation, etc. What a pointless waste of time. I am finding it is more like a perfect use of time.

I am not sure I am really ready to pursue this path, to a deeper relationship of this type. Maybe I will take a baby step or too, but this is scary. My journey already looks different from my fellow saints. If I am drawn to this path, I feel it may be a lonely one. Why me? Why did I have to read further and question deeper. I used to be so homogenous and blended in nicely. In other words, what is this and what do I do with it? Any ideas?