I have been tucked in for awhile. I think it is part of my chemical make-up, but I tend to just want to retreat from life. Not in a particularly bad way, it is just not my usual way. I used to be out-going, the word that comes to mind is gregarious. Weird word but it sums me up. Loud and laughing most of the time. But lots of tough life kind of rolled over me in the past 10 years or so, and I changed. I try to chalk it up to becoming all those good words like reflective and more spiritual, and I guess in way it could be that, but most of all, I have really been down. A lot of reasons and no reasons for it. Ever been there?
So today, I pretty much stopped making excuses for it and spoke to God about it. I had been unofficially discussing it with Him in my mind, but I officially spoke to Him out loud today. I pretty much told Him, I could not do this on my own. In fact, I pretty much gave it to Him and told Him He would have to do it. I could not. Kind of like that song we learned in Sunday School - I am weak but You are strong. I needed that to be it in the worse way. I was on the way to pick up my daughter and grand-daughter to see the new movie Despicable Me 2 and I was excited about it. I needed to laugh and in closing, I asked God to let me enjoy my granddaughter and the joy she would bring today. That would be the first step, I was sure.
I pulled up to a corner on my way to pick them up and I saw a man in a wheelchair. He had only one leg and he was holding a sign in both hands. With his good leg, he was wheeling himself up and down the hot, dusty esplanade. It reminded me of that man in Bethsaida sitting by the pool. He wanted to be healed but had no way to get in the water. This man wanted money but no way to reach up into a car to get it, if someone offered it. I never give money like that. Feel the person will just use it for booze or cigarettes. Not my call, but I do it anyway. But this great urge came over and me and I jumped out of the car, ran up to him, and gave him six bucks. Not a lot, but a lot for me to give. It surprised the heck out of him. Me too. I hung up traffic but no one honked at me. I looked back to see if anyone followed my lead, but they didn't. Too bad.
Picked up my family, got to the show and I went to get some popcorn with my granddaughter. There was a young lady there that looked as if someone had taken about a foot off her legs. She was fully developed in her torso, but her legs were miniature and very thin. She walked through the crowds with her eyes down. I am sure avoiding eye contact and the looks she might attract. She walked over to a "cash only" concession. No one was working it, so I told her. She was not sure whether to believe me but finally did. I started talking to her and offered a place in line. She had an very large scar on her upper lip and from her speech, I knew she must have been born without a soft palate. She was very hard to understand but I was able to. She was excited about the show and about bringing her niece. She was very animated and just excited to have someone to talk to that understood her. So sweet and she was a fount of information about the animated films coming up. We finished up our conversation and bid each other good-bye.
I was happy before I even entered the show and it was a great movie - full of laughs. My granddaughter and I danced to the music as the ending credits rolled. On the way home, after dropping them off, I just told God how great the day was. I thanked Him for answering my prayer so soon. As I talked, I realized that He answered it by bringing people into my life that needed me. I realized that tucking in is really just focusing on me and that in order to tuck "out", I would have to do something. And that some thing was focusing on others. I prayed and He answered my prayer by opening my eyes. He is an expert in doing that, because He knows exactly what folks need. He knew I needed to be needed. Others needed to be loved or served. He met our needs through putting us in a place to meet.
It will be a daily struggle for me, but I will keep praying and hopefully He will help me keep "looking"
