I do not like the word confession. It ranks right up there with the word sin. It is so us and so bad and so black and so evil.
Confessions are tear-laden sobs of misdeeds and conduct. Penitent hearts crossed, that ne'er will evil thought or action cross this feeble mind. But are they?
Where is it written confession is always of a negative origin. There are ardent confessions of love. There is confession of a secret, luscious, life-changing secret. These are not bad. Why, on the contrary, they are extremely good.
So if confession is part of my relationship with my Father, and I accept that fact, why do I limit it to this litany of do's and don't's. The monolithic drone of sins of ommission and commission. The hangman's gallows I build stick by stick by my guilt. Or as adding tender to the righteous fire of His anger.
What if confession is none other than the murmuring between best friends. The whisper of hope and anticipation for things too good to be true. The tearful sorrow at a friend lost for a time or forever. The hesitant, heart-felt confession of wrong done and wrong to be forgiven. The things truly soul friends can hear and say without one smidgen of fear that they will not be accepted, even enfolded for their utterance.
I like that better
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Monday, January 4, 2010
More of the Same
Had a good discussion with a clergy friend of mine. Discussed my questions about the questions my pastor raised. She too is fearful for the church but not in my spooky "dark will overtake light" scenario. Her fear is that the church will exist but become totally irrelevant. She said her comments do not come from someone on the outside throwing rocks, but from within.
Very interesting, because my fundamental/charismatic/conservative/evangelical journey in life to this point sees relevancy in a totally different way. Irrelevant is not having a contemporary worship service with a band. It is a children's ministry that does not have techno-aided object lessons. Or maybe no flat screen TV screens on the sanctuary walls.
What is relevancy and how can we know if we are, if we never address the tough issues out there? Or if we do, we are like a child with his fingers in his ears, repeating over and over, "I'm not listening" As I sat through that sermon yesterday, I realized I have not come as far as I thought. Some of the questions asked, made me uncomfortable. Subconsciously, because my pastor asked them, I assigned her to a specific side. Good grief - it was just a question. She never committed to either side. She expressed the views of both. What harm comes from just asking why?
When a child asks a question, we don't automatically mark them with a number and assign them to a group. No, we understand that they are inquisitive, seeking to understand. Why as Christians, can we not let each other ask why? How can I say undeniably a theological thought is so, when 5 years ago, I totally disagreed with my present view. Was I wrong 5 years ago? Will what I am saying or standing up for right now, be untrue 5 years hence? Is the problem, not in what I am thinking but in taking the stand. Taking the stand that only I and those I choose to identify with know the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
Very interesting, because my fundamental/charismatic/conservative/evangelical journey in life to this point sees relevancy in a totally different way. Irrelevant is not having a contemporary worship service with a band. It is a children's ministry that does not have techno-aided object lessons. Or maybe no flat screen TV screens on the sanctuary walls.
What is relevancy and how can we know if we are, if we never address the tough issues out there? Or if we do, we are like a child with his fingers in his ears, repeating over and over, "I'm not listening" As I sat through that sermon yesterday, I realized I have not come as far as I thought. Some of the questions asked, made me uncomfortable. Subconsciously, because my pastor asked them, I assigned her to a specific side. Good grief - it was just a question. She never committed to either side. She expressed the views of both. What harm comes from just asking why?
When a child asks a question, we don't automatically mark them with a number and assign them to a group. No, we understand that they are inquisitive, seeking to understand. Why as Christians, can we not let each other ask why? How can I say undeniably a theological thought is so, when 5 years ago, I totally disagreed with my present view. Was I wrong 5 years ago? Will what I am saying or standing up for right now, be untrue 5 years hence? Is the problem, not in what I am thinking but in taking the stand. Taking the stand that only I and those I choose to identify with know the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
What If?
Heard a very thought provoking sermon from my home church pulpit. It was about the wisemen and the star and the light coming into the world. Usual Epiphany spiel but with a bit of a spin.
The premise was, is the church of today a part of the darkness, much like the church in times past. Times when it opposed such ideas as the abolition of slavery, when it opposed the idea that the sun was the center of the universe. I am sure you could write a book (and they have) of all the terrible things done in the name of God - Spanish Inquisition and Holy Wars thrown in for good measure. The correlation in the sermon was concerning the cutting edge technology and social acceptances of today. Stem cell research, homosexuality, ordination of women. Those things that the stricter mainline denominations stand firmly against.
I understand where both sides are coming from. I was once one of them and am now one of the others. I would have been on the committee to run our pastor out on a rail for the dribble she was preaching. But today, I am different. I am not as quick to judge and hopefully quicker to love.
But where is the line drawn? Is there even a line? In the Old Testament, King Josiah ordered the renovation of the temple, and while it was being cleaned out, a book was found. It was the Book Of Law and this was shown to the King. He sat down and read it and was so overcome with remorse and shame, he went into mourning. I am talking the full gamut - sackcloth and ashes. That story has always had a profound effect on me. How could the Noah ark riding, Joseph in charge of Egypt, Moses Red Sea parting, David killing Goliath Book of Law be totally forgotten? Were there no Bible stories passed down. No namesakes for the mighty warriors like Deborah and Joshua. How did it happen? Like walking into a ghost town and wondering what the people were like that used to live there. Even more, what happened to them.
How do we love, not judge, be light - all that good stuff and not be mindful of the darkness. Can't the light be just as dangerous if it is not handled with care. Fire can provide warmth. cook food. and light the way. But the very same can also destroy 1000's of acres, burn down homes, and even kill people.
Is the key, perhaps, in realizing we are not the Source of the light. We are only the bearers. We must trust and be true to His light and be careful not to manufacture or generate our own. Heavy responsibility or Heavenly responsibility?
The premise was, is the church of today a part of the darkness, much like the church in times past. Times when it opposed such ideas as the abolition of slavery, when it opposed the idea that the sun was the center of the universe. I am sure you could write a book (and they have) of all the terrible things done in the name of God - Spanish Inquisition and Holy Wars thrown in for good measure. The correlation in the sermon was concerning the cutting edge technology and social acceptances of today. Stem cell research, homosexuality, ordination of women. Those things that the stricter mainline denominations stand firmly against.
I understand where both sides are coming from. I was once one of them and am now one of the others. I would have been on the committee to run our pastor out on a rail for the dribble she was preaching. But today, I am different. I am not as quick to judge and hopefully quicker to love.
But where is the line drawn? Is there even a line? In the Old Testament, King Josiah ordered the renovation of the temple, and while it was being cleaned out, a book was found. It was the Book Of Law and this was shown to the King. He sat down and read it and was so overcome with remorse and shame, he went into mourning. I am talking the full gamut - sackcloth and ashes. That story has always had a profound effect on me. How could the Noah ark riding, Joseph in charge of Egypt, Moses Red Sea parting, David killing Goliath Book of Law be totally forgotten? Were there no Bible stories passed down. No namesakes for the mighty warriors like Deborah and Joshua. How did it happen? Like walking into a ghost town and wondering what the people were like that used to live there. Even more, what happened to them.
How do we love, not judge, be light - all that good stuff and not be mindful of the darkness. Can't the light be just as dangerous if it is not handled with care. Fire can provide warmth. cook food. and light the way. But the very same can also destroy 1000's of acres, burn down homes, and even kill people.
Is the key, perhaps, in realizing we are not the Source of the light. We are only the bearers. We must trust and be true to His light and be careful not to manufacture or generate our own. Heavy responsibility or Heavenly responsibility?
Friday, January 1, 2010
A Psalm for the New Year
O, my Father, open
My eyes to your beauty
My ears to your wisdom
My mouth to your praises
My heart to your mercy
My hands to your service
May I never close
my eyes to the hurting
My ears to their cries
My mouth to their defense
My heart to their anguish
My hands to their healing
Jo
My eyes to your beauty
My ears to your wisdom
My mouth to your praises
My heart to your mercy
My hands to your service
May I never close
my eyes to the hurting
My ears to their cries
My mouth to their defense
My heart to their anguish
My hands to their healing
Jo
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Surprise Ending
Reading verses from Job. Job 19:1-27 to be exact. Starting to read this out of context, I thought it was Job talking to God. I have had those conversations. Why me? I am good, faithful, I read my Bible, I even teach Sunday School Why am I going through so much stuff.
But, I realized this was Job talking to his supposed friend, Bildad It dawned on me, the Book of Job is not God testing Job, but Job coming to the same realization that I am just now starting to get. I don't deserve anything. Anything I have done of any worth is out of the kindness of His heart and/or the work of His hands in, out, on, and through me.
The other day, I was pretty overwhelmed with the financial struggles we were going through. I started to go into the litany of why is this happening to such good folks and why He should hear and answer my prayers. But those words would not come. Out of my mouth came the words, "Have mercy on me". Now to me, that was some type of communion liturgy, not something us common folks would utter. But utter the words I did. In a most dramatic and soul-wrenching way.
It was freeing. It was as if I was a lawyer with my evidence on the table in front of me and in an instance, it disappeared and I had nothing. I was about to start my arguments, and I had not one shred of evidence. Not one thing of worth that would prove I was worthy. The only thing I had and could cling to was His nature, His grace, and hopefully His mercy.
I think that is what God wanted Job to experience. Job was blessed with so much and in that day and age, that translated to muy righteousness. As human beings, we just weren't built to handle that. What we have, the "good" things that come our way become the proof of our worth, the object of our attention, and ultimately the sign of our righteousness. Whether we plan it that way or not. Heck, we may not even
see it that way.
What is so cool about the Book of Job, is that even though it seems to be a betting match with the devil, God is doing what He does best. He uses evil to produce good. Job, after his fall, was twice the man he was before. With a leg up from the devil. Bet there was some snickering in heaven when that story ended.
But, I realized this was Job talking to his supposed friend, Bildad It dawned on me, the Book of Job is not God testing Job, but Job coming to the same realization that I am just now starting to get. I don't deserve anything. Anything I have done of any worth is out of the kindness of His heart and/or the work of His hands in, out, on, and through me.
The other day, I was pretty overwhelmed with the financial struggles we were going through. I started to go into the litany of why is this happening to such good folks and why He should hear and answer my prayers. But those words would not come. Out of my mouth came the words, "Have mercy on me". Now to me, that was some type of communion liturgy, not something us common folks would utter. But utter the words I did. In a most dramatic and soul-wrenching way.
It was freeing. It was as if I was a lawyer with my evidence on the table in front of me and in an instance, it disappeared and I had nothing. I was about to start my arguments, and I had not one shred of evidence. Not one thing of worth that would prove I was worthy. The only thing I had and could cling to was His nature, His grace, and hopefully His mercy.
I think that is what God wanted Job to experience. Job was blessed with so much and in that day and age, that translated to muy righteousness. As human beings, we just weren't built to handle that. What we have, the "good" things that come our way become the proof of our worth, the object of our attention, and ultimately the sign of our righteousness. Whether we plan it that way or not. Heck, we may not even
see it that way.
What is so cool about the Book of Job, is that even though it seems to be a betting match with the devil, God is doing what He does best. He uses evil to produce good. Job, after his fall, was twice the man he was before. With a leg up from the devil. Bet there was some snickering in heaven when that story ended.
Friday, December 25, 2009
The Least,
This morning, I fed the homeless......
This morning, the homeless fed me.
I have never been this close to poverty. I have contributed to our church pantry, bought the occasional turkey dinner for "those less fortunate". But today, I was in their midst. A church in Houston has been feeding the homeless since 1981. Every morning, they have over 200 men and women show up at their door, hungry and anxious. Yesterday, I was one of the many that joined them to open that door, greet them, and say "Come on in"
I talked to them, as I cleaned tables. They commented on the weather last night. A horrific electrical storm with strong winds. As I talked with them, it was hard to remember I spent it huddled in a nice warm bed. If they were lucky they might have found room under the bridge. We both knew the forecast of the weekend. For me, it would help me know how to dress. For them, it would help them know how to survive.
I was told there were over 18,000 homeless in Houston. In this country, many retired folks migrate to the warmer states to spend the winter, usually in RV's or to homes they keep here. We call them Winter Texans. I found among the homeless, there are Winter Texans as well.
I spoke with a Vietnam vet. He spoke of the discrimination by the city against the homeless. He said this with a mouthful of biscuit and gravy, provided by the kindness of the hearts of that same city.
I talked to a newbie. I found that although, this is a time for plenty, it provides special inconveniences. If newly disconnected, you still looked normal. You could blend in at the library or spend time in the unemployment office to warm up. Holidays closed many of those warm spots down.
Others, like me, feeling the pull of their hearts and responding in kind, brought little treats of snacks, Bibles, and rain gear. I realized that a lot of folks choose this life. There is a hobo trail that leads from churches to shelters. From meal to meal. From hand-out to hand-out. Some of them have it down, even to their demeanor. The humble posture, the downcast eyes, the shuffling steps.
But there are so many others, that for them, this is life. Life as they know it. Life as I see it, this one Christmas Eve morning. When I found time in my busy holiday schedule to pop down and wipe a table or two.
I left with a new perspective....a new humility. I left with a strong resolve to do this again, more often. Knowing in my heart of hearts, I probably won't.
I left, realizing that no matter what the reason, Jesus said "Come" and they did.
And I got to see it.
Heck,I got to play "Him".
This morning, the homeless fed me.
I have never been this close to poverty. I have contributed to our church pantry, bought the occasional turkey dinner for "those less fortunate". But today, I was in their midst. A church in Houston has been feeding the homeless since 1981. Every morning, they have over 200 men and women show up at their door, hungry and anxious. Yesterday, I was one of the many that joined them to open that door, greet them, and say "Come on in"
I talked to them, as I cleaned tables. They commented on the weather last night. A horrific electrical storm with strong winds. As I talked with them, it was hard to remember I spent it huddled in a nice warm bed. If they were lucky they might have found room under the bridge. We both knew the forecast of the weekend. For me, it would help me know how to dress. For them, it would help them know how to survive.
I was told there were over 18,000 homeless in Houston. In this country, many retired folks migrate to the warmer states to spend the winter, usually in RV's or to homes they keep here. We call them Winter Texans. I found among the homeless, there are Winter Texans as well.
I spoke with a Vietnam vet. He spoke of the discrimination by the city against the homeless. He said this with a mouthful of biscuit and gravy, provided by the kindness of the hearts of that same city.
I talked to a newbie. I found that although, this is a time for plenty, it provides special inconveniences. If newly disconnected, you still looked normal. You could blend in at the library or spend time in the unemployment office to warm up. Holidays closed many of those warm spots down.
Others, like me, feeling the pull of their hearts and responding in kind, brought little treats of snacks, Bibles, and rain gear. I realized that a lot of folks choose this life. There is a hobo trail that leads from churches to shelters. From meal to meal. From hand-out to hand-out. Some of them have it down, even to their demeanor. The humble posture, the downcast eyes, the shuffling steps.
But there are so many others, that for them, this is life. Life as they know it. Life as I see it, this one Christmas Eve morning. When I found time in my busy holiday schedule to pop down and wipe a table or two.
I left with a new perspective....a new humility. I left with a strong resolve to do this again, more often. Knowing in my heart of hearts, I probably won't.
I left, realizing that no matter what the reason, Jesus said "Come" and they did.
And I got to see it.
Heck,I got to play "Him".
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
The Next Thing
Tough Times
This is the first Christmas that I have really felt the pinch of hard times. I have been in them before, but I guess my youth and exuberance shielded me from the entire blow. Not so this year.
In saying that, this is one of the most blessed Christmas' I have ever experienced. I think I am getting the hang of focusing on "The Next Thing".
I love to play games. Crossword, solitaire, puzzles, sudoku - you name it, I love it. Computers and the internet have opened a myriad of opportunities and to those of us who have a little OCD to contend with, it is either a blessing or a curse.
Free cell solitaire is one of my addictions.
I woke up this AM in a funk. All the serious and possible ramifications of our present financial situation came down in full force on my sleepy and vulnerable mind. I pulled up a hand of free cell to engage my scattered thoughts. In this state of mind, I could not focus on the next cards available for play. My thoughts and sight followed up each row and I saw all the possibilities of future moves, etc. At the same time, however, I saw all the improbabilities. This did not improve my state of mind.
I realized that my favorite verses in Philippians 4 were twofold. In times of stress and turmoil, we must allow God to guard us from worry and things that might pull us down, interfering with our ability to see His hand and present guidance. However, in other times, we must ask for an equal share of wisdom, not to switch gear and lean on our own understanding. We must live in the moment. It is not a cop out, as sometimes I fear, but the only way I can live in His Light.
If I look up the row of days ahead and start estimating all the dire possibilities, I will get myself in a pickle. But if I make my best decision, with God's help, in the present day, the present hour, the present minute, I can leave the rest to Him.
Why? For the simple reason He knows what lies ahead.
I do not.
This is the first Christmas that I have really felt the pinch of hard times. I have been in them before, but I guess my youth and exuberance shielded me from the entire blow. Not so this year.
In saying that, this is one of the most blessed Christmas' I have ever experienced. I think I am getting the hang of focusing on "The Next Thing".
I love to play games. Crossword, solitaire, puzzles, sudoku - you name it, I love it. Computers and the internet have opened a myriad of opportunities and to those of us who have a little OCD to contend with, it is either a blessing or a curse.
Free cell solitaire is one of my addictions.
I woke up this AM in a funk. All the serious and possible ramifications of our present financial situation came down in full force on my sleepy and vulnerable mind. I pulled up a hand of free cell to engage my scattered thoughts. In this state of mind, I could not focus on the next cards available for play. My thoughts and sight followed up each row and I saw all the possibilities of future moves, etc. At the same time, however, I saw all the improbabilities. This did not improve my state of mind.
I realized that my favorite verses in Philippians 4 were twofold. In times of stress and turmoil, we must allow God to guard us from worry and things that might pull us down, interfering with our ability to see His hand and present guidance. However, in other times, we must ask for an equal share of wisdom, not to switch gear and lean on our own understanding. We must live in the moment. It is not a cop out, as sometimes I fear, but the only way I can live in His Light.
If I look up the row of days ahead and start estimating all the dire possibilities, I will get myself in a pickle. But if I make my best decision, with God's help, in the present day, the present hour, the present minute, I can leave the rest to Him.
Why? For the simple reason He knows what lies ahead.
I do not.
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